walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
