I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
