Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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