ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
