I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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