I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
