So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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