I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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