dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
