I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
