So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
