I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
