She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm too high and old for this...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
