come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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