I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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