I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize