It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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