there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
