For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
