I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The uberlube is also flammable
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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