matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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