I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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