oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
