Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
