My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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