grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
