i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
