so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
