i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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