He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
