even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
