yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
