did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
