her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
