You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
