That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
