Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
