he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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