Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
