Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
