No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I deserve this hangover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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