I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
