New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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