I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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