you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
