Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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