So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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