We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he thought i was a dude.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
