Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
