just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
