Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
