Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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