Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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