You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize