I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He passed out mid-signature
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
