margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
