She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I look better un-naked...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
