This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
