Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
