i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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