i jhust puked up my retainher.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
