ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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