2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
