she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
