Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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